The End is Near, But It's Just the Beginning!

Well, I made it...almost! I'm 38 weeks pregnant and about to give birth any day now and man, am I ready! People keep saying, "I can't believe how quickly it has gone by!" And I keep saying, "Are you crazy...it feels like I have been pregnant FOREVER!" People laugh and think I'm exaggerating, but it really feels like I've been pregnant forever...I can't remember what it feels like to not be pregnant. At my last doctor's appointment (a week ago) I was told that I'm already 3 centimeters dilated and 90% effaced and that I would probably have this baby within the week. I spent the next 48 hours frantically preparing things at school for my abrupt departure. After that 48 hours, all I could think was "I'm ready! Let's get this show on the road." After the next 48 hours and still no baby, all I could think was "I'm angry...I want to meet my daughter and I want to meet her now!" Every contraction and pain brought hope, but every time it wasn't followed by more contractions and more pain I felt defeated (ironic, huh?). This last 48 hours has been filled with acceptance and new understanding. My way and my plan is not necessarily God's way and God's plan and that's okay. In fact, that is better than okay...it's AWESOME! God has a plan for this child...He has had a plan for her long before I even had a plan for her and I am just blessed to be a part of it. This morning, I just finished reading Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas. I have been reading this book for a long time because during my pregnancy every time I tried to sit down and read I would fall asleep. But, I finally finished it this morning and the timing was perfect. Gary Thomas ends the book by enforcing the idea that our children are not our children...they are God's children. What an amazing gift! How selfish it was of me to expect that gift earlier than He is wanting to give it to me. I would never go up to a friend a week or two before my birthday and say, "Okay, I'm ready for you to give me my birthday gift and if you don't give it to me right now, I'm going to throw a fit!" Which is exactly what I had been doing all weekend...throwing a fit in my mind. I'm still desperate to be done being pregnant and to begin my next journey, but I'm accepting God's plan for His daughter and waiting for the moment when he tells me He needs me to step up and accept my calling, my "sacred calling" of being a parent!