The Best Christmas Gift a Mom Could Ask For

One of the best things about being a teacher is all the days off: 3 months during the summer, 2 weeks at Christmas time, Spring break and all the holidays in between. So, I was very excited about starting my 2-week break from work until I found out I had to spend the first day of my vacation at the hospital getting lab work done. Fortunately, I was able to drop Logan off at daycare and I headed to the hospital at 8:00 in the morning for what was going to be a 3-hour procedure. A week earlier, I had failed my initial glucose screening that tests for Gestational Diabetes and I was ordered by my doctor to fast overnight, drink this really awful tasting drink and then have my blood taken 4 times within a 3-hour period (pure torture for a pregnant lady!). I tried to look at the positive aspects of the experience...3 hours all to myself, time to read my book and get some school work done, time to people watch :) and time to relax and enjoy the live Christmas musibeing played on the piano in the lobby of the hospital, but the longer I sat there, the grumpier I got. I was nauseous and hungry and tired and cold...I just wanted the whole thing to be done so I could go home and eat something and take a nap. At about 2 1/2 hours into the procedure, I heard a noise that would have made me very uncomfortable in the past...a newborn baby crying. In the past, hearing the sound of a newborn baby crying made me uncomfortable because I just knew that that poor mom must be exhausted and frustrated, but on that day, the first thing I did when I heard that baby crying was smile. I even surprised myself how comfortable I felt with that sound coming from the other side of the waiting room. All I could think about was how lucky she was to have that baby and what a blessing that baby must be to her family. And, then I thought about my own family and how lucky and blessed we are to be expecting this baby girl. During this entire pregnancy, I have had this feeling that something is wrong with the baby. I think it is partly because I am a special education teacher and I'm surrounded by kids that have disabilities and I can't help but think about all the things that could be "wrong" with this child. But, hearing that baby cry and feeling myself smile, reminded me that it doesn't matter what this child looks like, acts like or thinks like...this child is a child created by God and it is my job to glorify God through the parenting process. I feel so blessed to have this job! After all this realization in a hospital waiting room, I went in for my final blood draw and was greeted by a different nurse than the one who had been taking my blood earlier in the day (I soon found out that she was put there to take my blood for a reason). Somehow she started telling me about her grand kids...she has two older grand kids (in their teens) and twins who are 9 years old. One of the older grand kids is deaf and one of the twins has cerebral palsy. The nurse went on to tell me that her daughter had had the two older children and was finished having children and so she had decided to have her tubes tied, but when she went in for the procedure she found out she was pregnant instead...with twins!!!! The doctors had told her that the twin daughter with cerebral palsy would never walk or talk, but she does both just fine and she actually gets better grades in school than her twin brother. What an amazing gift God had given that family! I walked out of that hospital with a different attitude...not because I had some time to myself, not because I had gotten a bunch of school work finished, not because I finished my book I was reading and not because of the beautiful holiday music. I walked out of that hospital with a different attitude because I felt so blessed to be a parent and I was bubbling over with excitement about meeting my baby girl in a few months...the best Christmas present I could ever ask for!

(By the way, I passed my glucose test with flying colors...phew! I also had an ultrasound and doctor's appointment yesterday and baby girl is doing great!)

We're Going on a Bear Hunt

On my son's first Christmas, I gave him the book We're Going on a Bear Hunt. In the back of the book, I wrote the following message:

Logan,
Life will bring challenges that you can't go over and you can't to under...you'll have to go through them. Just know that if you believe in yourself like I believe in you and you have faith in God, you will get through anything and you will come out on the other side even stronger.

I love you!
~Mom

We're Going on a Bear Hunt is a children's book about a family who decides to go on a bear hunt. Along the way they come up against "long, wavy grass", "a deep, cold river", "thick, oozy mud", "a big, dark forest", "a swirling, whirling snowstorm", "a narrow, gloomy cave" and at last, the actual bear that they had been hunting. With each challenge that the family comes up against, they say, "We can't go over it. We can't go under it. Oh, no! We've got to go through it!"

After having a conversation with a co-worker today, the Holy Spirit prompted me to remember the book We're Going on a Bear Hunt and the message that I wrote to my son several years ago. As I face challenges in life, I often want to complain to someone else, find an easy way out, get angry or just feel sorry for myself. One of my biggest challenges more recently has been managing my large and demanding caseload at work. I have complained. I have tried to find an easy way out. I have gotten very angry and I have spent plenty of time feeling sorry for myself...until a few weeks ago. A few weeks ago I decided to embrace my challenge. I decided to just go through it! I have been given this challenge so that I can go through it, completely "lean on God" and come out on the other side stronger in my own faith and shining my light on all those around me.

I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.--Philippians 4:13

Lord, I Need You

"When I cannot stand, I'll fall on You. Jesus, You're my hope and stay."-Chris Tomlin

So much of my spiritual journey is a result of God working through music. My radio station has been "stuck" on 91.5, WCIC (the local Christian radio station) for about five years. I listen to it every morning on the way to work and every afternoon on the way home. I listen to it every Sunday on the way to church and every time I take a trip to the store, bank, library, mall, etc... I even listen to WCIC when I'm working by myself in my classroom at school. I can't even count the number of times the perfect song has come on the radio at the perfect time...quieting my mind and comforting my heart. Many times, I listen to a song on the radio and then get home and promptly download it to my I-Pod so I can listen to it over and over. One song that I listen to over and over is "Lord, I Need You" by Chris Tomlin. The lyrics are perfect any day and any time. My understanding of how much I truly need God has been so limited until the last year. I truly do see how I completely "fall apart" when I turn my eyes away from God and how God is my "one defense" (my one and only defense). In fact, I look back on so much of my life and I see how I was truly miserable because I didn't keep my eyes focused on God and I tried to solve all my problems by myself. I "fell apart" on a daily basis! Back then, even when I asked God for help, I didn't completely trust God. NOW, I pray and trust God (even though I don't always understand why things are the way they are) and I ask the Holy Spirit to guide me through my day to day decisions ("every hour"). And, I am no longer miserable...I am free!!!

God Made Toddlers

The word toddler or the phrase 2-year-old often has a negative connotation, but I can't help but look at my toddler and think that he is a gift straight from Heaven:

~My toddler, Logan, makes me laugh on a daily basis...God created us to laugh and enjoy this life He has given us.

~Logan asks me to play with him...playing with my child allows me to be childlike and carefree...qualities that God desires for me.

~Logan is a mirror for my own behavior...there are times when I get cranky and I yell at him and he yells right back causing me to see myself in him and see how ugly my behavior is...this helps me regulate my behavior and reminds me to be patient and loving like God.

~Logan is forgiving...as a mom I make mistakes on a daily basis, Logan always forgives me just like God always forgives.

~Logan is soooo loving....he never shys away from a hug or a kiss...when he hugs me, he puts his whole body into it and I can feel his love surround me just like God's love surrounds me.

~Logan reminds me that I don't need to ask questions...Logan is always asking what things are and why things are the way they are...believing in God means all I have to say is "That's the way God made it."

~Logan has no fear and he trusts without exception...unlike me, who can be afraid of what others think or can be afraid of looking foolish or can be afraid of not being in control...Logan isn't afraid of any of those things, he just trusts...just like I need to just trust in God.

~Logan takes a nap every day...this nap time allows me to rest and even God rested on the seventh day...rest is important and allows me to reflect and replenish my mind and spirit.

Being a mom means I see, feel and hear God's work time and time again (even in my toddler) and I can glorify Him through my motherhood time and time again.

Hummingbirds

Hummingbirds are fascinating to watch and I've always thought of them as extremely beautiful creatures. I don't think I ever saw one until I was in my mid-twenties. My parents put a hummingbird feeder outside the kitchen window and it became a frequent feeding spot for many hummingbirds in my neighborhood. My mother passed away in August of 2005 and in the week after my mom passed away, there were an abundant amount of hummingbirds flying around the kitchen window. As I watched those hummingbirds, for some reason, I felt like my mother was there with me and that she had "sent" those hummingbirds just for me. Ever since then, every time I see a hummingbird, I think of my mother. I found out later, that other people were seeing hummingbirds as well, including my mom's close group of college girlfriends. In fact, her friends were gathered together shortly after her funeral and there was a hummingbird that wouldn't leave them alone and was even trying to get in their house where they were gathered together. Some of them later got hummingbird tattoos in honor of my mother. On my birthday, a couple weeks after my mom died, Jesse bought me a hummingbird feeder and we promptly filled it and hung it outside, but I didn't see any hummingbirds visit. I had begun to wonder if the whole hummingbird "thing" was just in my imagination, until I was standing in my classroom on the 1-year anniversary of my mom's death and out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a hummingbird hanging outside my classroom window. It took my breath away! More recently, hummingbirds have made their way back into our lives. We still hang the feeder every summer, but we have never had any visitors; however, Logan has mentioned hummingbirds a couple of times and I know for sure the whole hummingbird "thing" is not just in my imagination. I have never told him how hummingbirds remind me of his grandma, he has never seen a hummingbird in real life and he has one book about a hummingbird, but the book calls the bird "Little Green" and never actually uses the word "hummingbird". So, you can imagine my surprise when I went into his room one morning to wake him up and he said, "The hummingbird...right there." I asked him, "Where?" and he didn't respond and so I dropped it. Currently, Logan is sick and was coughing like crazy early this morning so I went into his room about 3:00 AM to sit with him for a while. We were sitting in his room cuddling and he suddenly said, "Mommy, the hummingbird was scared...it flew away." I immediately started crying and asked him if he saw a hummingbird and once again he didn't respond. I just held him a little longer and cried while I held him and then put him back to bed. I left his room and got on my knees and thanked God for making the hummingbird "thing" real and for using this extremely beautiful creature to remind me how much we're loved by Him and by my mother. I can't wait until Logan is old enough to understand this whole thing and I can't wait to tell him about how he saw hummingbirds in his dreams.

Motherhood is a Funny Thing

Motherhood is a funny thing. By funny, I mean two things: motherhood can be funny, or ironic, and motherhood can be funny, or humorous. Motherhood, for me, is ironic because there have been times over the past 2 and 1/2 years when I have loved my job as a mother and there have been times when I have disliked my job as a mother. In fact, about the first year and a half after Logan was born, I was convinced that I wasn't supposed to be a mother and that I had made a giant mistake by having a child. I also was sure that I wasn't going to have any more children. I had been so independent before having a child and I disliked the fact that this little person completely depended on me. I would be out in public and see women with grown children and think how nice it will be when my child is grown and out of the house. He was only a tiny baby and I was already looking forward to the day he moved out of my house. I thought anyone who wanted their baby to promptly grow up and move out of the house wasn't supposed to be a mother. In addition, he has been so sick with congestion problems, ear infections and sinus infections throughout the past 2 and 1/2 years and instead of being a caring, loving mother I have just felt irritated and frustrated by his sickness. Once again, I was sure that someone who became angry when their child was sick wasn't supposed to be a mother. Finally, when he started to become this little person with a defiant attitude, I lost all my patience and was convinced my child was going to be a permanent behavior problem and it was all my fault. And someone who causes their child to have a major behavior problem definitely shouldn't be a mother, right? There were some happy moments among these times of irritation, frustration and anger; however, I didn't seem to have any overwhelming feeling of joy about being a mother like many people I know. It wasn't until one very difficult morning that my attitude finally changed. Logan had a bad attitude and he was testing me with every little thing. I remember that I got down down on the floor and held each of his arms and looked directly into his face and said, "Why do you continue to test me? I'm telling you right now, you do not need to test me, I will never, never give up on you. I love you and I will never give in...that's how much I love you!" Logan just looked up at me with his big, brown eyes and nodded. I began to cry and I just hugged him and he let me hug him. I realized in that moment that I was meant to be a mother and that I was going to be a successful mother. I'm much more peaceful about motherhood these days. I have great joy in my life because I am a mother and because I love this little guy sooooo much. In fact, the entire time I've been typing this he has been sitting next to me, leaning against my arm while I type. In the past I might have found this irritating and I might have asked him to move, but today I'm just going to let him sit next to me as long as he wants! Motherhood is also funny because it is extremely humorous. Logan does something or says something every single day that makes me laugh out loud. I have a journal where I write down funny things he says and does and I was reading through it recently. Here are some of the funny things he has said over the past couple months: 1. One day I was upstairs and Logan came upstairs and said, "Daddy doin' Monica!" What he really meant to say is, "Daddy is playing the harmonica!" 2. One Sunday when we were leaving church, Logan heard a baby crying and said, "Baby Jesus is crying." 3. One day I took my glasses off because they were dirty and Logan asked me where they were. I told him that I took them off because they were dirty. He said, "Are you going to put them in the laundry?" 4. One night at bedtime, this was his prayer: "Dear God, thank you for friends, thank you for hot dogs, thank you for macaroni and cheese and thank you for cheese." 5. Yesterday, this was his breakfast prayer: "Dear God, thank you for my food, thank you for mommy and daddy and Nemo and thank you for Shelly." (Shelly is his daycare provider.) 6. Whenever I'm talking to him seriously about something or disciplining him, Logan says, "Mommy, I like your hair!" (Quite the manipulator, right?) 7. One morning at breakfast Logan was pretty grumpy and Jesse said, "Why are you being such a monster?" Logan replied, "I'm not a monster, I just a dinosaur." I asked him what kind of dinosaur he was and he promptly replied, "A stegosaurus!" 8. He loves to sing "I've Been Working on the Railroad", "The B-I-B-L-E" (except he calls it "The B-L-B-L-E Song", the "Thomas and Friends" song and "The Little Einsteins" song. 9. He tells me he loves me all the time (and not just when I say it first)!

Happy April Fool's Day!

I'm no fool, or am I? I fall for little jokes all the time. Frequently, my students will tell me things and then wait to see my jaw drop and then they'll say, "I'm just kidding." Many times, Jesse will say things to me and wait for me to say, "Really?" and then I'll realize that he is kidding around because he will start laughing at me. So, I guess it's no surprise that there have been two times in my life that I "fell" pretty hard for April Fool's jokes: 1. When I was a teenager my mom used to get so mad at me because I wouldn't wake up right when my alarm clock went off. I would push snooze many times (just like I do now) before I would finally roll out of bed. It used to drive my mom crazy. So, one year on April Fool's Day, Mom decided she was going to get me out of bed in a hurry. I woke up to her hovering over me telling me there was a fire in the house and in the background I could hear the smoke detector going off upstairs. So, I jumped out of bed and ran upstairs (my room was in the basement) as fast as I could with my mom right behind me. I was mumbling something about getting the dog out of the house when I rounded the corner to see my brother standing on a chair holding the smoke detector button, causing it to beep loudly. It took me a moment to realize what was going on because I was still half asleep and then I suddenly collapsed in a heap on the floor because I realized that the joke was one me. My mom and brother laughed about that one for weeks and looking back on it, it makes me laugh too! 2. Exactly 5 years ago today, Jesse proposed to me on April Fools Day. If you don't know Jesse, the fact that he proposed marriage on April Fools Day probably tells you a lot about his personality. Some men propose on Valentine's Day, or a birthday or an anniversary, but my husband chose April Fools Day and I wouldn't want it any other way!!! I was standing in the kitchen when he came in with a gift for me. It was a golf club cover that looked like a bunny rabbit going down a hole and he had it over his hand. I was surprised by the gift, but when I took it off his hand I was even more surprised because he was holding a diamond ring, except it wasn't a new diamond ring, it was my mother's wedding/engagement ring. He immediately got down on one knee and said, "Will you marry me?" The first thing I thought of is...he has got to be joking around because he doesn't have a ring for me and it's April Fool's Day. I think I told him to "Shut Up" a few times and I even think I shoved him and started to walk away because I thought it was a really bad joke. I finally realized he was serious when he told me that he had called and talked to my dad and my brother to receive their blessing and that we were going to the jewelry store right away so I could pick out a ring. We laughed and joked about it the whole time we were at the jewelry store...it was one of the best days of my life. So, it wasn't a joke after all, but it makes me laugh and so does my husband every day! Happy April Fool's Day to all!!!

A Brand New Day!

It's a brand new season and a brand new look and sound to the Bowman's blog! Happy Spring and enjoy...

Good News

It seems like all I hear about/read about lately is negativity: sickness, job loss, financial instability, accidents and injuries, attempted child abductions, home break-ins, children with unstable home lives, etc...I feel emotionally exhausted and I spend more time than ever praying to God for healing, peace, support, strength, etc...So, I was delighted to hear some good news yesterday. Last summer my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. During the Fall and into the Winter, Dad received hormone therapy shots and radiation therapy. He went to the doctor on Tuesday and the doctor reported that his PSA levels were under 1 (anything under 4 is good). He will continue to go back to the doctor every three months for check-ups, but he is in great shape! It was amazing to hear some good news and thank God for His healing, peace, support and strength! GOD IS GOOD!


Some Favorite Pictures of Dad:

Taken about 29 years ago (since Dane is a newborn here)...I LOVE this pic...it cracks me up!

Taken when I graduated from ISU with my Master's Degree



Cool dude at my wedding rehearsal

With Logan at 1 week old

With Logan last Winter

Reading a book with Logan last Summer

With Peggy and Logan, Halloween of 2010

Love

When I think of February, I think of LOVE! The Bowman home was filled with some ups and downs in the month of February, but it was filled with lots of love! The month started out with the "Blizzard of 2011", but I loved being snowed in and spending quality time with my family. Logan started out the month with a sinus infection that later became an ear infection, but Valentine's Day weekend Jesse's parents came down to watch Logan for an evening so Jesse and I could have a date night and we loved our alone time together! Also, Logan loved spending time with his Grandpa Art and Grandma Debbie! Shortly after Logan recovered from his sinus/ear infection, he came down with a bad stomach virus which lasted about 5 days, but a week later Logan and I visited my dad and loved spending time with family and I loved spending time with friends (thanks for a great night out Tabitha and Kelly!). Also, we attended a train show with Dad and Peggy and after running from exhibit to exhibit, Logan loudly proclaimed, "I LOVE trains!" Today, I had one of those days at work (you know, the kind that makes you think about finding a new career :), but this evening Logan and I met up with some friends to see the Cars 2 characters at State Farm and I loved seeing Logan so excited and happy! I LOVE my life and I can wait for the month of March...I think I'm feeling LUCKY!

Sick boy, cuddling withe Nemo

Once feeling a little better, Logan decided he wanted to spend some time outdoors

Visiting with Grandpa

Checkin' out the trains

Logan and Mater

Logan and Finn McMissile (a new Cars character)

Logan and his favorite character, Lightning McQueen

Potty Training?

Nope! Logan just likes to sit naked on the toliet reading books...

Go Bears!

Jesse dug out this old Bears hat to wear today and Logan decided he wanted to wear it around too! Look who is wearing it in the last picture!

Me, wearing the same Bears hat when I was Logan's age!

What Cancer Cannot Do

Cancer is an awful disease! It can make people sick beyond belief, it can destroy lives and it can lead to death, but there are many things cancer cannot do. Five years ago my mother passed away after a seven-year-long battle with cancer. She underwent multiple surgeries, radiation and chemotherapy and she lived her life to the fullest up the very end. This last summer, my dad was also diagnosed with cancer. Today he completed his 38th and final radiation treatment. Throughout his treatment he has remained positive and hasn't let cancer dictate his way of life. Cancer may have led to sickness and death in my family; however, cancer has not and will not destroy the lives of my family members. Recently, I was going through some of my mom's belongings and I found this poem:

What Cancer Cannot Do

Cancer is so limited...

It cannot cripple Love

It cannot shatter Hope

It cannot corrode Faith

It cannot destroy Peace

It cannot kill Friendship

It cannot suppress Memories

It cannot silence Courage

It cannot invade the Soul

It cannot steal eternal Life

It cannot conquer the Spirit

-Author Unknown

I love you, Mom and Dad...you are both my heroes.

Simple Things in Life

We thought that the year 2011 was going to be a year of great change in our lives, but it turns out that 2011 will be a year to appreciate the simple things in life:
1. Logan saying, "I love you Mommy/Daddy"
2. Date nights
3. A night on the couch with good T.V. shows or a good movie
4. A good laugh (the kind that makes your stomach hurt)
5. Dinner together as a family
6. The moment when I finish a really good book
7. Eating lunch with my co-workers and laughing about our work day
8. A text message or phone call from a friend
9. Garage sales with really good stuff
10. An Illini win
11. Sundays: church together as a family, a nap on the couch and a good meal
12. A trip to the library
13. Snuggling with Nemo (our dog)
14. Hearing Jesse say that something I made for dinner is good
15. Seeing people's pictures that they post on Facebook
16. Opening a package of something that I have ordered online
17. A good hair day
18. Sunny days
19. Snow days
20. Visits with family and friends
21. When I take a really good picture of something/someone
22. Completing a puzzle
23. Pampering and grooming: haircuts, waxings, pedicures and manicures
24. Crossing something off a "To Do" list
25. A clean house