Defriended

I found out a couple weeks ago that I have been "defriended" by some people on Facebook because of my Christian beliefs.  At first I was very hurt and saddened by this.  These people are people that I was very close to at one time in my life.  These are people that I thought I would still be close to if I lived near them.  It was no surprise to me that they didn't believe in the same things that I believed, but it was a surprise to me that they wouldn't want to be my friend anymore because of it.  I have never meant to offend or hurt anyone, I just feel called to share the incredible love I have found in Jesus Christ.  I don't judge people who are different than me, I just love them.  I am surrounded by people everyday who are very different than me and I don't always understand why they do what they do, but I still love them and I learn from them.  Being surrounded by people who are different than me helps me to grow as a person.  So, please don't "defriend" me just because you disagree with me.  I accepted your friend request because I enjoy reading your status updates and seeing pictures of you and your family.  I have grown as a person because of you...I have learned to appreciate new things because of you...I have smiled and laughed because of you.  Thank you for being you! I love you!

Jesus Chair

What causes you to feel anxiety or fear?  For me, it is public speaking.  I can sit down and write and write and write, but the moment I have to share something out loud, with a group of people, I stumble over my words, my voice shakes and my palms sweat.  I've heard that it is a common fear among Americans.  Unfortunately, I often have to face my fear on the job.  A big part of my job is sitting in meetings and sharing information about students with parents and colleagues.  So, when I look at my calendar and see an upcoming meeting, I begin to have lots of anxiety.  Days before the meeting, my nerves will begin to affect how I react to my husband and children...I will be cranky and "on edge".  And, shortly before the meeting, I will feel the butterflies in my stomach.  So, one day when I read my daily devotional book, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, and she addressed the issue of anxiety, I felt like she was speaking directly to me.  She mentioned envisioning anxiety-provoking events and picturing Jesus being the center of those events.  Picture Him right there in the midst of your fearful circumstance....picture Him sitting next to you...picture Him holding your hand...picture Him holding you up!  He is there...always has been and always will be!  Today, I was speaking with a friend about her anxiety and some upcoming meetings for her job.  I was sharing Sarah Young's wise words about anxiety and picturing Jesus in those meetings.  She told me that she was going to leave a chair empty at the meeting table and reserve it for Jesus.  What a cool idea!  I think I might start doing the same thing and not just at work...in my home, in my car...wherever I go, I will reserve a seat for Jesus and I will make him the center of my anxiety-provoking event.  Because he will be sitting in his "Jesus Chair", I will not stumble over my words, my voice will not shake, my palms will not sweat and I will not fear!

What's New with the Bowmans?

At least once a day my kids do something that makes me reach for my camera to record it in a video or picture.  The other day I tried to take a picture and my camera said, "Memory Card Full"...a polite reminder to upload some pictures and update my blog :)  So, here's what's new with us:

Leah:

Oh my!  She is so sweet, but so sassy!  She is constantly on the go.  She crawls all over and she is into everything.  Leah loves to laugh, squeal and "talk".  She loves her taggy blanket and she sucks her thumb to calm herself down and fall asleep (just like her brother).  She smiles CONSTANTLY! We love her so much and we can't wait to see how she develops.

Logan: 

Logan just turned 4 and he loves to inform us of that fact. Over the summer we noticed that he was crossing his eyes when looking at things close up.  We took him to the eye doctor and we were informed of the fact that he is far-sighted.  He has been wearing glasses for about a month now and we are only on the second pair (Can you sense my sarcasm?).  He loves going to daycare and church to play with friends.  His teacher at church thinks he is going to be a preacher when he grows up and I believe it.  He loves reading his Bible and last week he said he wanted to ride in a rocket ship to go to Heaven to meet Jesus.  He also loves playing games, reading books, and playing with trains and cars.  He has a great sense of humor and he makes us laugh on a daily basis.  He also loves his sister and loves to make her laugh.  Sometimes I look at him and I wonder to myself, "Who is this little boy?  It seems like just yesterday that he was a baby!"  I couldn't ask for a better son!

Jesse:

Jesse is busy, busy, busy!  In April, he was promoted to manager of the service department at the dealership where he works.  He is also very busy playing the drums in his band, Last Call.  They have been playing in and around our town three or four times a month.  He also serves at church by playing the drums with the worship team a couple times a month.  We have season tickets to University of Illinois football again this year and Jesse has been to several games.  He is still an Illini fan despite their terrible performance this year.  He LOVES his children and they light up when they see him.  He is an incredible father and we are all blessed to have him in our lives.

Erin:

I have also been quite busy with work, small group and just keeping up with my kids and home.  I am enjoying my job and some extra responsibilities this year.  I often feel like I go to work to get a break :) The kids keep me busy and I'm usually worn out by lunch time on days when I am with them all day, but I love them more than words and I am honored to be their mother.  I have been blessed with an amazing small group at church and I love getting together with them and growing together with them.  I don't get to spend nearly enough time with Jesse, but I guess that makes our time together even more special.  I have enjoyed going to football games with him this year, but some of my favorite moments are spent sitting on the couch with him and watching something on TV that makes both of us laugh.  I feel incredibly blessed and...

LIFE IS GOOD!

Logan, Ryder (cousin) and Leah with Grandma Bowman

Logan and Ryder making play dough cookies

Leah likes chicken legs!

Silly Spiderman (thanks to Shelly, Logan and Leah's daycare provider)

Leah is a daddy's girl

Logan's 4th birthday celebration at the pumpkin patch (with Ryder and friend, Chloe)

Cowboy Logan

Logan and Ryder are BFFs

Fun with leaves

Watchin' TV in his "tent"

Carving pumpkins with Grandpa Myers

Logan's creations

Enjoying a visit from Auntie Sue and...

...auntie Jackie

Leah was Eeyore for Halloween

Logan was a pirate for Halloween

4th of July weekend fun with Ryder

Hangin' with grandpa

Reading books together

My favorite kiddos

Logan driving the Batmobile with Grandma Bowman

Our first Illini game

Tailgating fun with Lesley

Picture time at half-time

Silly kids!

The Bowmans (on my birthday at the White Oak Winery)

Future drummer!

She knows what to do when she sees the camera...CHEESE!

Tailgating at the Illinois game

Love this guy!

Tailgating fun!

All dressed up for church

Leah really needs a haircut!

The Worst Thing That Has Ever Happened to You

What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you?  Would you like to go back in time and change that part of your life or would you keep that part of your life the same because it changed you for the better?

Today, in church, the pastor said that often the worst thing that has ever happened to you can actually be the best thing that has ever happened to you....WHAT?!?!?  How can that be?  The sermon was about Rachel and Leah and their tragic love story of being married to the same man and being in a constant competition with each other.  The pastor said that the marriage between Rachel, Leah and Jacob was probably the worst thing that happened to each of them, BUT great things came out of this marriage...their children.  Their children went on to do great things and their children's children went on to do great things and so on and so on.  A terrible situation brought about great things because God always has a plan for us. 

I began thinking about the worst thing that has ever happened to me and it would have to be the death of my mother.  My mother passed away, after a long battle with cancer, when I was 26 years old.  She was my best friend, my counselor, my personal cheerleader, my teacher and my role model.  She was all those things to me and then she was gone.  She was not at my wedding and she was not there when my children were born.  My children will never get to sit on grandma's lap, get spoiled by grandma or bake cookies with grandma (just kidding, if you knew my mom...she was definitely not a baker, but I know she would have tried for my kids).  They will not know my mom in this lifetime.  [On a side note, my children are extremely blessed to have an amazing grandma in Jesse's mom and I thank God for her and her strong relationship with them.]  So, I guess you could say that the worst thing that has ever happened to me would be the death of my mother.  Could it also be the best thing that has ever happened to me?  The answer is YES!  Like I said, she was my best friend, my counselor, my personal cheerleader, my teacher and my role model.  She was "my person".  She was the first person I turned to when I needed to talk about anything...good or bad.  Even when she was extremely ill, she was always there for me.  She never let me down and she loved me unconditionally.  Then, she was gone and I didn't have "my person".  I didn't have "my person" to be my best friend, to lift me up and encourage me, to counsel me, to teach me and to love me unconditionally.  For a while after she died, I was lost.  Eventually, I found someone who could do all the things that she did for me and could do even more...GOD!  God became "my person"...He is always there for me and He loves me unconditionally.  And, I have learned to love Him too...not just for what He does for me, but for who He is.  My relationship with God is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me!  The worst thing that has ever happened to me resulted in the best thing that has ever happened to me.  My mother's death was, and still is, extremely painful, but it has forever changed me for the better.  So...what is the worst thing that has ever happened to you? Would you like to go back in time and change that part of your life or would you keep that part of your life the same because it changed you for the better?

[On another side note, I hope I have not hurt anyone by posting this blog entry.  I really struggled with whether or not to post this entry because I was afraid that it would hurt some people.  I know that my mother's death and illness affected many people.  When my mother died, many people lost a great friend and someone they loved deeply.  Also, my mother suffered for many years and I'm not saying that the purpose of her suffering and death was so that I could grow closer to God.  Only God knows the purpose for her death!  I just know that there was something positive that did come out of her death...a stronger relationship between God and myself.]

Typos

It has been a long time since I have posted.  It has been so long, in fact, that I decided to go back and reread previous posts because I couldn't remember what I had written.  As I read, I was shocked by the number of typos/mistakes that I found.  I was so shocked because I really dislike typos (I think it's the teacher in me) and I know I had proofread those entries at least five times each.  Actually, I proofread anything I write (even my text messages) because I really dislike typos.  I almost went back into each blog entry and corrected my typos/mistakes, but then I stopped myself and began wondering how I could have possibly published those blog entries with so many mistakes when I proofread each entry at least five times.  I realized that I had been so caught up in my thoughts that I wasn't able to think clearly about spelling and grammar.  I began to think about times in my life when I was so caught up in my current situation and how it was so hard to see clearly.  There have been so many times that I have been in the middle of a struggle and I have been unable to really think clearly about things.  On a daily basis, I struggle with life.  I have small struggles, medium-sized struggles and really big struggles.  Through the really big struggles, I have trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and I have trouble understanding God's purpose for the struggle.  I focus on the pain, frustration, anger, hurt, loneliness, etc... that I might be feeling at that moment instead of focusing on God's plan for me with that particular struggle.  In the midst of the struggle, I don't think clearly!  When the suffering finally goes away, I can see clearly.  I can see that that particular struggle was actually a blessing...a blessing that brought me to my knees...a blessing that changed my relationship with my Father...a blessing that brought me closer to Him.  I wouldn't have the relationship with God that I have today if it weren't for the suffering that I have endured.  The daily struggles that bring me to my knees have a purpose and the purpose is not to think about how I could have done things differently to avoid suffering and have a perfect life...the purpose is to grow closer to God.  So, I have decided that I will not go back and correct my typos/mistakes and have perfect blog entries.  Instead, I will leave them be and use the time it would have taken me to fix the mistakes to praise God and thank Him for all He has given me!

Strength

I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.-Philippians 4:13

People used to say that I was a strong person. I think they watched me as I lived with my mother, my best friend, fighting cancer for seven years and then pass away in 2005. They saw me "keep it together" on the outside. The truth is, I may have seemed strong on the outside, but I was a mess on the inside. For years, I battled depression and I made poor choices in an attempt to win the battle. I had meltdowns on a daily basis and I begged God to make my life easier. Now, seven years later, I have all new struggles...raising two children, balancing work and family life, losing weight, being a Godly wife, being responsible with finances, taking care of a home, etc... Within the last year, I realized that these struggles are actually blessings that force me to grow in my faith and lean on God. I quit praying for God to change my children, to make my workload lighter, to take away the extra weight I carry around, to change my husband, to help me win the lottery, etc... I have learned to ask God to give me the strength I need to be the mother He wants me to be, to make the right choices when it comes to balancing my work and my family life, to make good food choices and to exercise, to be the wife He wants me to be, to make good choices with my money, etc...

My daughter is six weeks old today and people keep asking me how I'm doing and how I'm feeling, and my response up until now has been, "It's much easier the second time around.", but who am I kidding? Parenting is not easy! The truth is, it's not easier this time around, it's just as hard and I have been surprised every day that goes by that I don't have a curl-up-in-my-bed-and-cry-myself-to-sleep-meltdown like I used to have until the other day when I looked down at my right hand and read the Bible verse that is on a ring that a wear every day: I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.-Phil. 4:13. I realized why I'm not having meltdowns and why things seem easier. I have been asking God for strength and He has been answering my prayers over and over again. So, from now on, when people ask me how I'm doing and how I'm feeling, I will say..."STRONG!"

The End is Near, But It's Just the Beginning!

Well, I made it...almost! I'm 38 weeks pregnant and about to give birth any day now and man, am I ready! People keep saying, "I can't believe how quickly it has gone by!" And I keep saying, "Are you crazy...it feels like I have been pregnant FOREVER!" People laugh and think I'm exaggerating, but it really feels like I've been pregnant forever...I can't remember what it feels like to not be pregnant. At my last doctor's appointment (a week ago) I was told that I'm already 3 centimeters dilated and 90% effaced and that I would probably have this baby within the week. I spent the next 48 hours frantically preparing things at school for my abrupt departure. After that 48 hours, all I could think was "I'm ready! Let's get this show on the road." After the next 48 hours and still no baby, all I could think was "I'm angry...I want to meet my daughter and I want to meet her now!" Every contraction and pain brought hope, but every time it wasn't followed by more contractions and more pain I felt defeated (ironic, huh?). This last 48 hours has been filled with acceptance and new understanding. My way and my plan is not necessarily God's way and God's plan and that's okay. In fact, that is better than okay...it's AWESOME! God has a plan for this child...He has had a plan for her long before I even had a plan for her and I am just blessed to be a part of it. This morning, I just finished reading Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas. I have been reading this book for a long time because during my pregnancy every time I tried to sit down and read I would fall asleep. But, I finally finished it this morning and the timing was perfect. Gary Thomas ends the book by enforcing the idea that our children are not our children...they are God's children. What an amazing gift! How selfish it was of me to expect that gift earlier than He is wanting to give it to me. I would never go up to a friend a week or two before my birthday and say, "Okay, I'm ready for you to give me my birthday gift and if you don't give it to me right now, I'm going to throw a fit!" Which is exactly what I had been doing all weekend...throwing a fit in my mind. I'm still desperate to be done being pregnant and to begin my next journey, but I'm accepting God's plan for His daughter and waiting for the moment when he tells me He needs me to step up and accept my calling, my "sacred calling" of being a parent!