Hummingbirds

Hummingbirds are fascinating to watch and I've always thought of them as extremely beautiful creatures. I don't think I ever saw one until I was in my mid-twenties. My parents put a hummingbird feeder outside the kitchen window and it became a frequent feeding spot for many hummingbirds in my neighborhood. My mother passed away in August of 2005 and in the week after my mom passed away, there were an abundant amount of hummingbirds flying around the kitchen window. As I watched those hummingbirds, for some reason, I felt like my mother was there with me and that she had "sent" those hummingbirds just for me. Ever since then, every time I see a hummingbird, I think of my mother. I found out later, that other people were seeing hummingbirds as well, including my mom's close group of college girlfriends. In fact, her friends were gathered together shortly after her funeral and there was a hummingbird that wouldn't leave them alone and was even trying to get in their house where they were gathered together. Some of them later got hummingbird tattoos in honor of my mother. On my birthday, a couple weeks after my mom died, Jesse bought me a hummingbird feeder and we promptly filled it and hung it outside, but I didn't see any hummingbirds visit. I had begun to wonder if the whole hummingbird "thing" was just in my imagination, until I was standing in my classroom on the 1-year anniversary of my mom's death and out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a hummingbird hanging outside my classroom window. It took my breath away! More recently, hummingbirds have made their way back into our lives. We still hang the feeder every summer, but we have never had any visitors; however, Logan has mentioned hummingbirds a couple of times and I know for sure the whole hummingbird "thing" is not just in my imagination. I have never told him how hummingbirds remind me of his grandma, he has never seen a hummingbird in real life and he has one book about a hummingbird, but the book calls the bird "Little Green" and never actually uses the word "hummingbird". So, you can imagine my surprise when I went into his room one morning to wake him up and he said, "The hummingbird...right there." I asked him, "Where?" and he didn't respond and so I dropped it. Currently, Logan is sick and was coughing like crazy early this morning so I went into his room about 3:00 AM to sit with him for a while. We were sitting in his room cuddling and he suddenly said, "Mommy, the hummingbird was scared...it flew away." I immediately started crying and asked him if he saw a hummingbird and once again he didn't respond. I just held him a little longer and cried while I held him and then put him back to bed. I left his room and got on my knees and thanked God for making the hummingbird "thing" real and for using this extremely beautiful creature to remind me how much we're loved by Him and by my mother. I can't wait until Logan is old enough to understand this whole thing and I can't wait to tell him about how he saw hummingbirds in his dreams.

Motherhood is a Funny Thing

Motherhood is a funny thing. By funny, I mean two things: motherhood can be funny, or ironic, and motherhood can be funny, or humorous. Motherhood, for me, is ironic because there have been times over the past 2 and 1/2 years when I have loved my job as a mother and there have been times when I have disliked my job as a mother. In fact, about the first year and a half after Logan was born, I was convinced that I wasn't supposed to be a mother and that I had made a giant mistake by having a child. I also was sure that I wasn't going to have any more children. I had been so independent before having a child and I disliked the fact that this little person completely depended on me. I would be out in public and see women with grown children and think how nice it will be when my child is grown and out of the house. He was only a tiny baby and I was already looking forward to the day he moved out of my house. I thought anyone who wanted their baby to promptly grow up and move out of the house wasn't supposed to be a mother. In addition, he has been so sick with congestion problems, ear infections and sinus infections throughout the past 2 and 1/2 years and instead of being a caring, loving mother I have just felt irritated and frustrated by his sickness. Once again, I was sure that someone who became angry when their child was sick wasn't supposed to be a mother. Finally, when he started to become this little person with a defiant attitude, I lost all my patience and was convinced my child was going to be a permanent behavior problem and it was all my fault. And someone who causes their child to have a major behavior problem definitely shouldn't be a mother, right? There were some happy moments among these times of irritation, frustration and anger; however, I didn't seem to have any overwhelming feeling of joy about being a mother like many people I know. It wasn't until one very difficult morning that my attitude finally changed. Logan had a bad attitude and he was testing me with every little thing. I remember that I got down down on the floor and held each of his arms and looked directly into his face and said, "Why do you continue to test me? I'm telling you right now, you do not need to test me, I will never, never give up on you. I love you and I will never give in...that's how much I love you!" Logan just looked up at me with his big, brown eyes and nodded. I began to cry and I just hugged him and he let me hug him. I realized in that moment that I was meant to be a mother and that I was going to be a successful mother. I'm much more peaceful about motherhood these days. I have great joy in my life because I am a mother and because I love this little guy sooooo much. In fact, the entire time I've been typing this he has been sitting next to me, leaning against my arm while I type. In the past I might have found this irritating and I might have asked him to move, but today I'm just going to let him sit next to me as long as he wants! Motherhood is also funny because it is extremely humorous. Logan does something or says something every single day that makes me laugh out loud. I have a journal where I write down funny things he says and does and I was reading through it recently. Here are some of the funny things he has said over the past couple months: 1. One day I was upstairs and Logan came upstairs and said, "Daddy doin' Monica!" What he really meant to say is, "Daddy is playing the harmonica!" 2. One Sunday when we were leaving church, Logan heard a baby crying and said, "Baby Jesus is crying." 3. One day I took my glasses off because they were dirty and Logan asked me where they were. I told him that I took them off because they were dirty. He said, "Are you going to put them in the laundry?" 4. One night at bedtime, this was his prayer: "Dear God, thank you for friends, thank you for hot dogs, thank you for macaroni and cheese and thank you for cheese." 5. Yesterday, this was his breakfast prayer: "Dear God, thank you for my food, thank you for mommy and daddy and Nemo and thank you for Shelly." (Shelly is his daycare provider.) 6. Whenever I'm talking to him seriously about something or disciplining him, Logan says, "Mommy, I like your hair!" (Quite the manipulator, right?) 7. One morning at breakfast Logan was pretty grumpy and Jesse said, "Why are you being such a monster?" Logan replied, "I'm not a monster, I just a dinosaur." I asked him what kind of dinosaur he was and he promptly replied, "A stegosaurus!" 8. He loves to sing "I've Been Working on the Railroad", "The B-I-B-L-E" (except he calls it "The B-L-B-L-E Song", the "Thomas and Friends" song and "The Little Einsteins" song. 9. He tells me he loves me all the time (and not just when I say it first)!

Happy April Fool's Day!

I'm no fool, or am I? I fall for little jokes all the time. Frequently, my students will tell me things and then wait to see my jaw drop and then they'll say, "I'm just kidding." Many times, Jesse will say things to me and wait for me to say, "Really?" and then I'll realize that he is kidding around because he will start laughing at me. So, I guess it's no surprise that there have been two times in my life that I "fell" pretty hard for April Fool's jokes: 1. When I was a teenager my mom used to get so mad at me because I wouldn't wake up right when my alarm clock went off. I would push snooze many times (just like I do now) before I would finally roll out of bed. It used to drive my mom crazy. So, one year on April Fool's Day, Mom decided she was going to get me out of bed in a hurry. I woke up to her hovering over me telling me there was a fire in the house and in the background I could hear the smoke detector going off upstairs. So, I jumped out of bed and ran upstairs (my room was in the basement) as fast as I could with my mom right behind me. I was mumbling something about getting the dog out of the house when I rounded the corner to see my brother standing on a chair holding the smoke detector button, causing it to beep loudly. It took me a moment to realize what was going on because I was still half asleep and then I suddenly collapsed in a heap on the floor because I realized that the joke was one me. My mom and brother laughed about that one for weeks and looking back on it, it makes me laugh too! 2. Exactly 5 years ago today, Jesse proposed to me on April Fools Day. If you don't know Jesse, the fact that he proposed marriage on April Fools Day probably tells you a lot about his personality. Some men propose on Valentine's Day, or a birthday or an anniversary, but my husband chose April Fools Day and I wouldn't want it any other way!!! I was standing in the kitchen when he came in with a gift for me. It was a golf club cover that looked like a bunny rabbit going down a hole and he had it over his hand. I was surprised by the gift, but when I took it off his hand I was even more surprised because he was holding a diamond ring, except it wasn't a new diamond ring, it was my mother's wedding/engagement ring. He immediately got down on one knee and said, "Will you marry me?" The first thing I thought of is...he has got to be joking around because he doesn't have a ring for me and it's April Fool's Day. I think I told him to "Shut Up" a few times and I even think I shoved him and started to walk away because I thought it was a really bad joke. I finally realized he was serious when he told me that he had called and talked to my dad and my brother to receive their blessing and that we were going to the jewelry store right away so I could pick out a ring. We laughed and joked about it the whole time we were at the jewelry store...it was one of the best days of my life. So, it wasn't a joke after all, but it makes me laugh and so does my husband every day! Happy April Fool's Day to all!!!