Motherhood is a Funny Thing

Motherhood is a funny thing. By funny, I mean two things: motherhood can be funny, or ironic, and motherhood can be funny, or humorous. Motherhood, for me, is ironic because there have been times over the past 2 and 1/2 years when I have loved my job as a mother and there have been times when I have disliked my job as a mother. In fact, about the first year and a half after Logan was born, I was convinced that I wasn't supposed to be a mother and that I had made a giant mistake by having a child. I also was sure that I wasn't going to have any more children. I had been so independent before having a child and I disliked the fact that this little person completely depended on me. I would be out in public and see women with grown children and think how nice it will be when my child is grown and out of the house. He was only a tiny baby and I was already looking forward to the day he moved out of my house. I thought anyone who wanted their baby to promptly grow up and move out of the house wasn't supposed to be a mother. In addition, he has been so sick with congestion problems, ear infections and sinus infections throughout the past 2 and 1/2 years and instead of being a caring, loving mother I have just felt irritated and frustrated by his sickness. Once again, I was sure that someone who became angry when their child was sick wasn't supposed to be a mother. Finally, when he started to become this little person with a defiant attitude, I lost all my patience and was convinced my child was going to be a permanent behavior problem and it was all my fault. And someone who causes their child to have a major behavior problem definitely shouldn't be a mother, right? There were some happy moments among these times of irritation, frustration and anger; however, I didn't seem to have any overwhelming feeling of joy about being a mother like many people I know. It wasn't until one very difficult morning that my attitude finally changed. Logan had a bad attitude and he was testing me with every little thing. I remember that I got down down on the floor and held each of his arms and looked directly into his face and said, "Why do you continue to test me? I'm telling you right now, you do not need to test me, I will never, never give up on you. I love you and I will never give in...that's how much I love you!" Logan just looked up at me with his big, brown eyes and nodded. I began to cry and I just hugged him and he let me hug him. I realized in that moment that I was meant to be a mother and that I was going to be a successful mother. I'm much more peaceful about motherhood these days. I have great joy in my life because I am a mother and because I love this little guy sooooo much. In fact, the entire time I've been typing this he has been sitting next to me, leaning against my arm while I type. In the past I might have found this irritating and I might have asked him to move, but today I'm just going to let him sit next to me as long as he wants! Motherhood is also funny because it is extremely humorous. Logan does something or says something every single day that makes me laugh out loud. I have a journal where I write down funny things he says and does and I was reading through it recently. Here are some of the funny things he has said over the past couple months: 1. One day I was upstairs and Logan came upstairs and said, "Daddy doin' Monica!" What he really meant to say is, "Daddy is playing the harmonica!" 2. One Sunday when we were leaving church, Logan heard a baby crying and said, "Baby Jesus is crying." 3. One day I took my glasses off because they were dirty and Logan asked me where they were. I told him that I took them off because they were dirty. He said, "Are you going to put them in the laundry?" 4. One night at bedtime, this was his prayer: "Dear God, thank you for friends, thank you for hot dogs, thank you for macaroni and cheese and thank you for cheese." 5. Yesterday, this was his breakfast prayer: "Dear God, thank you for my food, thank you for mommy and daddy and Nemo and thank you for Shelly." (Shelly is his daycare provider.) 6. Whenever I'm talking to him seriously about something or disciplining him, Logan says, "Mommy, I like your hair!" (Quite the manipulator, right?) 7. One morning at breakfast Logan was pretty grumpy and Jesse said, "Why are you being such a monster?" Logan replied, "I'm not a monster, I just a dinosaur." I asked him what kind of dinosaur he was and he promptly replied, "A stegosaurus!" 8. He loves to sing "I've Been Working on the Railroad", "The B-I-B-L-E" (except he calls it "The B-L-B-L-E Song", the "Thomas and Friends" song and "The Little Einsteins" song. 9. He tells me he loves me all the time (and not just when I say it first)!