I'm an Imperfect Mom and That's Okay!

Last weekend I attended the National Hearts at Home conference. The conference itself is always amazing, but this year the theme was "No More Perfect Moms" based on Jill Savage's book by the same title.  I wept as she spoke on the topic.  She talked about how we are imperfect, but we are being perfected.  She spoke about the freedom that comes with embracing our imperfections and being honest about who we are opposed to being imprisoned by the persona of being "perfect".  Jill lovingly described motherhood as the "ministry of interruptions" and how we, as mothers, need to expect the interruptions and then we won't be disappointed or upset when things don't turn out the way we want them to (in fact, I've been interrupted approximately 10 times since I began typing this blog entry).  At the conference, Jill Savage went on to share personal imperfections about her own life and family.  Finally, she addressed the fact that social media perpetuates the desire to be "perfect" because we constantly compare ourselves to other people's families based on their happy Facebook statuses and perfect family pictures.  I found myself thinking about all the times I have cropped out my messy kitchen in the background of a picture of my kids or typed and then deleted and retyped a Facebook status so it sounded just right.  I thought about all of my imperfect mom moments and decided that it's time to get real and embrace my imperfections with all of you.  So, I have compiled some, but definitely not all, of my imperfect mom moments:

 1.  Last week, as I was cutting raspberries for Leah's breakfast, I cut her finger.  I didn't realize how bad it was until about 20 minutes later when we were both covered in blood.
2.  When Logan was a baby, he fell down the stairs and fell off my bed when I wasn't supervising him as closely as I should have been.
3.  I have bonked my children's heads on so many door frames as I have carried them around the house, always in a hurry and always trying to do too much at once.
4.  There are days when Logan watches way too much T.V. and spends way too much time on the iPad playing games.
5.  One night a few weeks ago, Jesse was gone and I was home alone with the kids.  I put Leah to bed and sat down to watch T.V.  I was about to head to bed myself when I remembered that Logan was in the basement watching T.V. and I forgot to put him to bed.
6.  When Leah was about 3 weeks old, I drove from the park to my house with Leah in her car seat, but not strapped in.
7.  I think Logan has probably gone up to 5 days without taking a bath before.
8.  I didn't breastfeed either of my children for as long as I wanted to breastfeed them because it was simply too hard while I was working.
9.  We turned Logan's car seat around to face forward before his first birthday.
10.  I didn't take Logan anywhere in public unless I had to from the age of 18 months to 2 1/2 because I was afraid he would have a meltdown.
11.  One day I told Logan to "leave me alone".  (He responded with : "You leave ME alone!")
12.  Multiple times I have told the children to be quiet so I can hear a T.V. show that I'm watching at the moment.
13.  I have taken Leah to daycare in her P.J.s.
14.  Logan has a diagnosis that causes his eyes to cross unless he is wearing his bifocal glasses and I have no idea what the name of it is...I think it starts with an "e"???
15.  I have watched things that I shouldn't watch on T.V. in front of my children. (Logan can hum the theme song to "How I Met Your Mother")
16.  There have been way too many nights of eating McDonalds or frozen pizza for dinner.
17.  I have hid candy and other junk food from my kids...not because I don't want them to eat something unhealthy, but because I don't want to share with them.
18.  Jesse and I didn't buy Logan any presents for his first birthday...we decided to spend our money on a trip to Mexico instead and we knew he wouldn't know any better.
19.  Sometimes I yell and yell and  yell some more, even when I know how ridiculous I sound, I just can't help myself.
20.  Sometimes, I fantasize about not having children.
21.  Maybe worst of all, I have judged other mothers for many of the above things.

There are many more, but some things I will keep just between me and God.

Now, I know some of you are thinking that I'm too hard on myself and some of you are thinking about calling DCFS, but please don't :)    Actually, I hope you had a laugh while you read some of them...I definitely had a laugh while I typed some of them.  I don't feel guilty about any of these things.  I just feel like I'm imperfect and that's okay.  It's okay because I'm being perfected and I am learning from my mistakes.  And, I have decided that my "perfect" moments definitely outweigh my imperfect moments:  our many dance parties, many moments snuggling, hugging and kissing, moments laughing so hard with my children that we cry, moments reading books together and playing games and moments of teaching them how to do something new.  I will never be "perfect" in my eyes or the eyes of the public, but I'm pretty sure I'm "perfect" in the eyes of my children...I can tell by their many smiles!  And, even when I'm not sure about how they feel about me, there are moments when they tell me (or, at least, Logan tells me, but I'm pretty sure Leah will when she learns to talk).  Not too long ago, I had a very hormonal day and I yelled all day long.  I was feeling pretty bad about it.  At bed time, I cried and apologized to Logan.  I asked him to forgive me and without hesitation he said, "Yes, I forgive you!"  I asked him how he could forgive me so quickly and he said, "Because I love you so much!"  I immediately thought about how God loves me so much and forgives me so quickly even though I don't deserve it.  The lessons I learn from my children go much deeper than learning how to be a better mother...I am learning about the love of Christ...a love that really is perfect! 

I am currently on Spring Break from school and despite the snow on the ground, the colds that my children have and the fact that my house is filthy, this has been the best few days because I'm embracing my imperfections and having fun, which actually makes it pretty "perfect"!

Perfect cuteness!

Imperfect kitchen (including the overflowing trash can that contains an empty cookie dough wrapper that I ate raw.)

Perfect love!

Imperfect stairs always covered with things to carry upstairs, but mostly I just step over them.

Perfect fun at the bowling ally with Aunt Kate!

Imperfect mess from the laundry basket full of clean towels that was never put away.

Perfect smiles?

Imperfect bathroom that didn't get cleaned up before I left for work in the morning.

Perfect moment caught on camera!

Imperfect bedroom garbage can overflowing with smelly pull-ups!

Another picture of the imperfect kitchen...it looks like this at least once a day!

Perfect strike!

Imperfect morning hair and face without make-up!