Guilt Trip

Has anyone ever given you a guilt trip?  I am given a guilt trip on a daily basis...by myself!  I constantly feel guilty about not being a good mother, not being a good wife, not being a good friend, not doing enough around my home, not serving in my church enough, not working out enough, etc... I didn't even realize I was doing it until I was eating dinner with some friends last night.  I found myself continually talking about how guilty I felt and I also heard myself say, "That's no way to live!"  Wow...I didn't realize how heavy-hearted I had been feeling.  I came home and started reflecting on my feelings and my faith.  I started thinking about Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.  They were so close to God until they started to believe the enemy's lies.  As soon as they believed the lies and sinned, they had to leave the garden and be separated from God.  I have also been believing the lies about who I am and I have been unknowingly separating myself from God.

About two summers ago, I adopted John 3:30 as my life verse (He must increase, but I must decrease.)  I've been focused on making my life more about Jesus and less about me...making my life about His desires and not my own.  I realized last night that there is another way to apply that very short (but important) verse to my life.  It's time for me to allow my joy in life to come from knowing Jesus and not from being a certain type of person.  When I am constantly thinking about how I'm not good enough, or should I say, when I am constantly believing the lies about how I am not good enough...I am still more fixated on myself than on Jesus and the joy that comes from truly knowing Him.  A few summers ago, I read a book by one of my favorite authors/speakers, Lysa Terkeurst.  In the book, I remember that she wrote, "Guilt bears no fruit."  That quote stood out to me at the time, but I'm not sure I truly understood it until today.  It's time to let go of the guilt and live in His glory!  Today, I'm feeling excited about making my life about His desires AND about allowing myself to feel the joy that comes from truly knowing my Savior! 

HE IS GREATER THAN i!

Lessons From My Children

What is the worst part of the day for you?  For me, it's the ten minutes I spend brushing/styling Leah's hair.  I've purchased and tried about five different kinds of brushes and three different kinds of detangler.  I've tried to have her stand up while I brush her hair and I've tried to have her sit down while I brush her hair.  I've tried to go super slow and I've tried to go super fast just to get it over with.  But, not matter what I've tried, she continues to scream and cry and I've continued to feel like the worst mom ever.  Some days I can remain calm until we get through it, but other times I have a difficult time keeping my negative emotions in check.  Yesterday was one of those mornings:  after the daily hair-brushing incident occurred, my anger took over and I did some yelling which was addressed to anyone and everyone in my path...not my proudest moment.  I went off to get something else done and came around the corner to hear Leah in the bathroom talking to herself.  I stopped outside the bathroom to eavesdrop and overheard this: "Dear God, Thank you for this day and thank you for my family.  I love you. Amen."  After wiping a few tears away, I went into the bathroom to give my daughter a much-needed hug!  I asked her what she was doing and she said, "I was talking to God...it's what I do when I feel stressed."  Of course!!!  Leah is four years old and she gets it...why is it that I am 37 years old and I still don't get it at times?  There are too many times where I let my anger take over and I do not react in a way that glorifies God.  There are too many times where the pressure to teach my children or the pressure to get things done seems to be a priority over my ability to let them teach me and let them help me get things done their way once in a while.  I can look back over the years and think of so many "WOW moments" where I gained a deeper understanding of faith, forgiveness, joy and love from my children.  We are far from perfect, but we are perfect for each other and I am so THANKFUL for them.  I pray that I can continue to learn lessons from them for many years to come and...that I can get Miss Leah a haircut appointment soon! 

My amazing children and my teachers!

Stirring the Sauce

I've always thought of myself as a klutz.  A day doesn't go by that I don't drop something, run into something or knock something over. My poor children have had multiple (minor) injuries from me stepping on them or bumping into them.   I have NEVER made cookies without burning at least one batch because I start doing something else and totally forget about the cookies in the oven until I smell the burning.  It wasn't until about two years ago that I realized that I'm not really a klutz or a bad baker...I simply cannot multitask. The reason I continuously run into things, drop things, burn things, etc...is because I'm rarely thinking about what I'm doing.  While I'm busy doing one thing, I'm thinking about the next thing that needs to be done.  I have trouble just being in the moment and focusing on one thing at a time.  I have trouble releasing control of my life and not worrying or planning every little thing, but I'm getting better.  The more I learn about God, the more I can release control and trust in His plan for my life.  The more I read His word and spend time with Him in prayer, the more I can keep a peaceful and eternal perspective in this chaotic world.  

One night as I was making spaghetti for my family, I was also thinking about the laundry I needed to get done, the school work that I wanted to complete, giving my daughter a bath. packing my lunch for the next day, what was on the schedule for the next day, etc... While this was a moment where I was just worrying about day to day things, there are many moments in my life when I worry about "bigger" things like money, my children (their safety, behavior, learning, salvation, health) my own health, my marriage, my friendships, etc...As I stirred the spaghetti sauce, I suddenly remembered a conversation we had in our small group about just thinking about one thing at a time and being in the moment.  We talked about how God desires for us to have peace and trust...He does not want us to waste our time worrying.   In that moment,  I put my trust in God and simply focused on stirring the sauce.  What freedom I felt!  There is freedom in releasing control and just being in the moment.  There is freedom in trusting God in all areas of my life.  There is freedom in knowing that I'm not a klutz or poor multitasker or bad baker...I am a precious, perfect child of God.  So, now when my life gets chaotic and I feel like a mess, I remind myself to simply "stir the sauce" and I feel free!

Mathew 6: 34--Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for each will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.