During much of my life, I have battled with anxiety. When I was younger, new experiences that presented themselves were often moments where I was crippled with fear of the unknown...so much so that I often chose to keep to myself and not take any risks. I was always afraid of getting hurt or being rejected. As I grew up and became more independent, I realized that I needed to step into the unknown, despite my fears. I found out that always being afraid and never putting myself out there led to a deep unhappiness. I realized that I needed to take risks and commit to all the hard things that God was calling me to do. I came to understand the true meaning of being brave...not letting fear hold me back from doing what I wanted to do and what I knew I should do.
With each day that passes, I become braver and step out into the unknown a little more. I still have anxiety when I'm about to do something for the first time or when I'm about to take a risk and I don't know how something is going to turn out, but I know in my heart that God doesn't want me to live in a bubble of fear. He wants me to do what He is calling me to do and trust that He will be there with me through it all. More recently, my risks have included serving at a new location for our church, leading the garden committee at our school, opening up and being honest with my colleagues about my struggles at my job and writing this blog post. Some of those things may not seem like that big of a deal, but they have all been things that have caused me much anxiety over the past couple of months. Despite that anxiety, I've been committed to doing the hard things, taking the risks and embracing my bravery.
In addition to embracing my own bravery, I am committed to teaching my own children about being brave. There have been so many times I've seen them hold back and not take a risk because of the fear of getting hurt or the fear of the unknown. I especially see this with Leah. She has this amazing spirit about her and she is so incredibly creative, but she has limited her experiences when she has been given a choice. This summer, we repeatedly encouraged her to learn to ride her bike without training wheels. She resisted over and over again until somehow we finally talked her into giving it a try. I watched her sit on that bike with her whole body shaking in fear and then all of a sudden I watched her take off on two wheels, leaving the fear behind her. I know it sounds silly, but it was one of the best moments of my parenting journey so far. To me, knowing that she is learning to face her fears, step out in bravery and trust God at this age means that she (hopefully) will be open to trying many amazing opportunities and experiences as she gets older. I want to say that I can't wait to see what God has in store for her and for Logan, but I'll try not to rush things too much...waiting and trusting in God's plan for each of them will be my next step of bravery!!!
Leah, age 6
